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The Interview – “Cyber Wedgie”

Be sure to check out this section for a “Hot Topic” that is trending in the world of news, entertainment, pop culture or really anywhere else.

We will introduce a weekly topic on Monday, and then rotate the order of my regular columnists expressing their personal views each day for the remainder of the week, giving you a slightly – or radically – different perspective each day.

(This week’s HOT TOPIC dives into Sony caving to North Korean hackers and cancelling the release of “The Interview” – a movie disrespecting its leader)


Cyber Wedgie – by KMFP

I remember when I pulled that one column I wrote because it “disgusted” one person, “offended the beliefs” of another, and elicited threats from some basement-dwelling douchebag who had ZERO intention of walking up the fourteen steps necessary and out his mother’s side door to even think about making good on them.

HT1Wait – no I don’t… because it never fucking happened!

Sure, we’re talking a much larger scale here, but just when I think that this country can’t possibly lose any more of its once-heralded balls, our goddamned movie studios let some asshole behind a dusty monitor thousands of miles away dictate their creative direction – either at the urging of our own government or not…

Look, I’m well aware of the laughingstock that we’ve become over the last six years in terms of a lack of global respect for our military, and especially its “Commander in Chief”, in large part due to his reluctance to utilize its brave men and women properly AND effectively.

But now WE… a once-feared world power… the most deadly fighting force on the planet – are being cyber fucking bullied?


As much as I love these interwebs, the WORST byproduct of them by far is the “internet tough guy”, the “keyboard kickass”, and these cowardly hackers who would crumble like their precious, plastic Guy Fawkes masks if they ever attempted to publicly display even a quarter of the nut-sack they purport to possess behind that cloak of anonymity.

I have a lot of I.T. friends, and a whole lot of geeky friends – of whom I was once a card-carrying member.  Furthermore, I was bullied to the point of revenge seeking and a chip on my shoulder the size of Sons of Anarchy’s sphere of overrated-ness when I was younger as well.

But I never attempted to exact my comeuppance from some cowardly position of secrecy, or influence something I didn’t agree with by means of faceless threat – or worse yet – simply because I could.

If you’re receiving a shit sandwich of my making – you’re gonna’ know exactly who the chef was.

Otherwise, you are every bit the pussy and bullying bastard as that closeted letterman that beat his own insecurities into you two decades earlier, because he didn’t have the ass to challenge somebody his own size, and because his drunken, macho dad influenced – and likely encouraged – such behavior.

When you don’t like something, you voice your opinion – this is your right.

It’s also your right to protest, assemble, and hopefully rally like-believers into possibly influencing some action… based on true regret – NOT fear.

And when somebody does something you deem so unspeakable that no other course of action will suffice, you address the situation… but you do so face-to-face.  Whether that then develops into a cordial debate, heated argument, or all-out fistfight – at least you’ve taken an honest stand.

The latter may not be your right; but sometimes it IS an absolute necessity – and how I escaped the bullying of my own adolescence.  I’ve obviously taken a much more potentially serious issue and morphed it into my own selfish tangent, but one – I’m a shameless narcissist; and two – the parallels are there.

HT2A bully… is a bully… is a goddamned, faceless, anonymous, “look what I can do”, “I’m so fucking smart” bully – regardless of whether he’s trolling local message boards for confrontation just minutes after “fapping” to Futurama porn, or influencing major motion pictures at the behest of some insane leader in an entirely different hemisphere.

If their “Little Emperor” was indeed so insulted – and had any real fight in him – he’d challenge us to a true confrontation, and I guess we’d see what our own “Emperor” possibly had within himself… which is frightening in its own right.

But then again, why should he bother?  Cowering is the bully’s best friend, and Sony already did so – not on their own I suspect.

What else don’t you like, North Korea?

As long as you’re capable of such influence, could you go ahead and threaten the further release of anything “starring” Anne Hathaway, a modern-day De Niro or Pesci, or with “M. Night Shyamalananywhere in the credits?

Here’s our lunch money… KMFP-out!


  1. Cheryl Laut says:

    I’m beginning to thInk Sony pictures manufactured a brilliant marketing plan…

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