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Top Five Reasons to watch World Cup Soccer

Top Five Reasons to watch World Cup Soccer

T525.)

4.)

3.)

2.)

1.)

Top Five Whereabouts of the Missing Malaysian Jet

Top Five Whereabouts of the Missing Malaysian Jet

5.) Al Capone’s vault… waiting for Geraldo

T514.) At the bottom of Loch Ness with Eddie (minus The Cruisers), Bigfoot, Elvis (he’s ALIVE!), Jesus AND Mick Dodge

3.) Flown to a fabled island – known as “Eden” – by the “real killer” of Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown Simpson… because O.J. was finally getting close

2.) The unfortunate result of a “magical” Bitcoin transaction

1.) Secretly hidden at TLC studios, awaiting the sweeps-week launch of a special, 2-hour documentary, titled “My 600-Pound Mama Boo-Boo Who Didn’t Know She Was Pregnant with a Boeing 777”

Top Five Reasons the Winter Olympics Suck

Top Five Reasons the Winter Olympics Suck

5.)  Curling…

T54.)  Today: “USA… USA…!” – ONE nation, under GOD!

       Tomorrow: “Fuck Obama, immigrants, gun laws and the gays!”

3.)  The pseudo-hockey fans.  That’s right, they play this game BETWEEN those 4-years as well… but it’s over now, thanks – can the rest of us have our NHL back?

2.)  Watching homosexual (not that there’s anything wrong with that) males get to touch places on female figure skaters that us mere mortals can – AND DO – only fantasize about.

1.)  Curling…

Top Five Reasons to get your Cardinals – Cubs Tickets NOW!

Top Five Reasons to get your Cardinals – Cubs tickets NOW!

 

CARDINALS/CUBS – OPENING WEEKEND, BEFORE THEY SELL OUT!!!  (Also Adam Wainwright/Yadier Molina “Gold Glove Day”)

CC1I am doing a bit of a solid for an old friend and agreed to advertise some GREAT Cardinal ticket deals in both price (DISCOUNTED!) and event (OPENING WEEKEND – CUBS!) to aid him in a fundraiser for his youth sports program.

 

5.) DETAILS:

Cardinals vs. Cubs – Opening Weekend – Sunday, April 13th, 2014

Adam Wainwright/Yadier Molina “Gold Glove Day” for first 25,000 fans 15-years and under!!

 

4.) $31.00 – TICKETS (retail $41.00/$10-discount)

Section 328; Row 6; Seats 1 – 20

 

3.) $31.00 – TICKETS (retail $41.00/$10-discount)

Section 330; Row 6; Seats 1 – 13

 

2.) Cardinals/Cubs is always a great rivalry, (even if that team up north isn’t) and this game will surely sellout!!

 

CC21.) Additionally, you could certainly resell such a HOT TICKET to fans of both teams (for no more than retail value – of course…) who will surely be looking to score some, leading up to that date – especially after selling out – which is almost guaranteed when these two play

 

Get your tickets now and help a local youth program raise some funds as well!!!

 

IF INTERESTED, EMAIL ME AT:

KMFPthe@gmail.com ; FIRST COME/FIRST SERVE!!

 

Thank you very much.

Top Five Jobs that should be nullified by the Internet

Top Five Jobs that should be nullified by the Internet

5.)  Travel Agent – you’re not scoring anything I can’t hookup myself.

T54.)  Car Salesman – I’ve done everything but sign the papers and test-drive my last three online.  A partially trained monkey can slide me a pen and offer me a soda… and probably be more honest about it.

3.)  Receptionist at the pizza joint – if you can’t afford the internet, you probably shouldn’t be calling for a pizza in the first place.

2.)  Pornographic Magazine Publisher – do I really need to explain?

1.)  Weatherman – everything I used to rely on you for (temperature, forecast, school closings, traffic and even pictures of ALL!) is now provided in real time by thousands of mothers on social media.

Top Five Things to Remember on MLK-Day

T5Top Five Things to Remember on MLK-Day

5.)  We have to share this world

4.)  Keep “The Dream” alive

3.)  His death shall NOT be in vain

2.)  Children are born hating NO man

1.)  Judge the person… NOT THE STEREOTYPE

Top Five “Stars” Overrated by an Early Demise

Top Five “Stars” Overrated by an Early Demise

5.)  Lea Michele – Yes, I’m aware that she is very much alive, and I surely hope this doesn’t prove to be one of those “touch of death” moments like when I killed off Fred “Rerun” Berry by paying $19-on a website to have him call and wish my brother a happy 28th-birthday… true story.

T51This one is a technicality whereas this gal’s career has benefited greatly from the death of her boyfriend, and Glee costar, Cory Monteith.

This isn’t her fault and I’m not blaming her for accepting the benefit… just a fact.

4.)  Artie Lange – Uhm… what?  He’s still alive?  (… wait for it.)

3.)  Kurt Cobain – Not only is the music just not that good, David Grohl was the true genius in that band and Soundgarden was 10x’s better as a “grunge” band out of Seattle.

Don’t eat a bullet and Cobain is “just a guy” in my less than humble opinion.

2.)  John F. Kennedy – I have heard that it wasn’t even until recently (relatively speaking) that historians felt comfortable admitting this, but he just wasn’t some “great” U.S. President, and that’s not even TOUCHING on his failures as a husband and man.

Tragic event… MOST CERTAINLY.

Great President… most certainly NOT.

1.)  Elvis Presley – Okay, I know he was HIGHLY acclaimed well BEFORE his death, but I just can’t stand Elvis – or more accurately – the “aura” of Elvis, if you will.

T52Music is obviously subjective, but I personally consider most of his shit hokey at best, and find the only ones I actually do enjoy – were done better by somebody else.

Furthermore, I’m not driving to some gaudy mansion in a Memphis ghetto to cry my pathetic eyes out on birthdays and death anniversaries for ANYBODY in the entertainment industry who is not directly related to me, and if YOU are… seek help immediately after reading this!

Top Five Annoyances of Snow

5.)  Shoveling and cold (together because they’re obvious)

T514.)  The inexplicable run on milk, bread and eggs

3.)  Along those same lines, forgetting that it is 2014 PEOPLE and you will NOT be buried for weeks on end!!

2.)  Having to be a good father and play in that shit

2.)  Pictures…PICTURES…EFFING PICTURES!!!

Top Five Predictions for 2014

Top Five Predictions for 2014

5.)  A St. Louis team will NOT win the Stanley Cup or Super Bowl, a Chicago team will NOT win the World Series and I won’t give 2-shits who wins a single NASCAR race or NBA game.

T54.)  Miley Cyrus will do something I find hot, others find repulsive – and SHE finds lucrative $$$$$$$$!

3.)  Robert De Niro & Nicolas Cage will make shitty movies, while Adam Levine will make equally shitty music.

2.)  Somebody will say something as horrible about black people as Phil Robertson did about homosexuals…and the reaction will be FAR different.

1.)  This website will continue to provide a creative outlet, grow in popularity…and not make any money – ALL of which I’m perfectly content with!

Top Five Thinks I’ve learned So Far on my Trip to Florida

Top Five Things I’ve learned So Far on My Trip to Florida

T55.)  Do NOT yell “Phil Robertson’s a HOMO!” in a Cracker Barrel lobby in Troy, Alabama

4.)  Foreigners are every bit as rude as us, nowhere NEAR as obese, but – amazingly – take even MORE “selfies”

3.)  If you haven’t seen Latin hips up close…you have NO idea

2.)  On that note, foreign women are even LESS modest, for which I applaud them

1.)  The Florida thong is FAR superior to the Missouri one

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