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Putting Yourself First

As I backtrack through time of my own life and previous relationships, and as well as those witnessed, I can’t help but stop and think about how much time people waste on putting more effort into the relationship as opposed to themselves first.

Many feel they need to have another in their life to feel whole. Yet they bypass their own life’s internal happiness thinking a relationship is needed to suffice that constant yearning to fill a void.

YFCThey neglect themselves always thinking they need to be in a relationship to be happy.

So here some sit, with numerous attempts with resulting in failed relationships, and never have accomplished their personal goals or dreams on account of putting their own needs on the back burner.

It may be your education that you put on hold so your partner could finish theirs first.

It may be your partner wanted to relocate areas of living, and you gave up a career you had been building just to let it all go to waste on behalf of “love”.

What’s such a shame is that people give up these things for themselves, and then too much time has gone by, or other circumstances have occurred that have now permanently prevented their ambitions and things they’ve worked hard for to go straight in the toilet.

There is severe regret because you’re not even with the person any longer.

What’s even worse is if you’ve given up things such as your education or field of work, and allowed yourself to become financially dependent upon that partner. Well if that relationship is failing and you become unhappy, now you’re stuck!!

Part of what I’m trying to relay here is that we must always enforce the fact upon ourselves the “Take Care of ME First” attitude; instead of thinking you need someone to do that for you, or to think you can do it later on your own.

We can’t have it in our heads that we need someone to take care of us. Take care of yourself first.

What if that person is no longer in your life? Then what? How will you take care of you when you’ve always relied on them? Where’s your back up plan in case the relationship isn’t what you want? Now you are forced to stay in a miserable unhappy relationship because you can’t be self-sufficient without that person.

You’ve totally forgotten about your own happiness now and can’t free yourself of the situation.

Another key concern regarding this is that we must find self-fulfillment within ourselves first, and then worry about adding others into our little world.

Think about it. What does the other person have to look forward to if you have nothing to bring to the table but your broken dreams and sorrows? Honestly, who wants to deal with damaged goods? Work to fix YOU and the things that make YOU feel complete.

It’s those things that attract others to you and make them intrigued to want to learn more about you.

If you don’t, you will only blame yourself, and blame the other person for putting your dreams, priorities, aspirations, and goals aside thinking you HAVE TO HAVE this relationship to grow when you haven’t finished growing on your own into the person you desire to ultimately be.

YF2Now that’s not to say when in a relationship you don’t grow together, because you absolutely do. But do you really know yourself? Will it be the real you this person is with?

Don’t be like the many that most of their life have it in their head they always need to be in a relationship to feel complete.  Complete yourself first and the rest will follow.

Don’t put the things you want aside for anyone thinking that after they’re done using your time to make themselves happy that it will be your turn. It usually never works out that way and it just so happened to be at your own personal expense.

It’s just like how people say you need to make yourself happy first. — Very true.

You need to learn to do it on your own before even thinking about letting someone else enter into your life to share it with.

“DO YOU”, and the rest will fall into place. You will be more content in your solace this way.


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Fifty Shades of THANK YOU!!

Around 1983, I found an issue of OUI that my Pop had hidden under the bathroom sink.  This was a small-sized magazine, similar to Reader’s Digest, loaded mostly with stories you knew never actually happened, ala the Penthouse Forum – as well as a few pictorials, just for good measure.

LTAS1This would begin a love affair… with myself… that would last for 31-years and counting.

I know I’ve started out a little sappy, but I’ll get to the point – lest I start sounding like Nora Roberts and have all you female readers mailing me your panties.

This binder of greatness was perfectly sized for holding in one hand, allowing the other to be free for… uhm – whatever you deemed necessary – and this was likely NOT an accident.

Years later, I would cringe at the thought of Pop himself gripping its pages – in much the same manner – hours before or after I did the same; a thought which drives my current therapy bills even higher.

It was tucked secretly under the sink cabinet and I would always make sure to return it to the original location, thus avoiding detection.  But the funny thing is that Pop wasn’t hiding these things from me, per se, as much as he was my Ma.

… otherwise – wouldn’t he have simply kept it in their room??

For years, men have been forced to hide their pornography in various locations or risk being deemed a “pervert” by women – or even worse – accused of not wanting to fuck them anymore.

(… for the record, ladies – short of sprouting an actual dick, or an absolutely defenseless appreciation for Dane Cook “comedy” – and you’re pretty safe in that regard)

This has been the case for decades on end.  Men are called “disgusting”, “perverted” and “desperate”, while also accused of being “obsessed with sex”, all because we enjoy watching and/or reading sexual situations – and occasionally relieving a little pressure in the process.

And then – one day…the roles were reversed.

There’s a first for everything.  Some gifted genius was the first one to make an “OK” sign below his waist, and then decide to punch the shit out of his buddy for looking at it, and some caveman first discovered that the magnificent loins of a woman… might also be a damned good place for his head – and this experience has only been heightened by advancements in modern hygiene.

LTAS2Someday, somebody… may even be the first person to actually walk on the moon, but I digress.

One quiet evening – only a few years back – some random housewife in Middle America, enjoying the rarity of being left no kids to shuttle, no husband to clean up after, and no worry in her usually hectic world… cracked open a little book titled Fifty Shades of Grey.

… A revolution was born!

After initially feeling uneasy even reading such things, she shut the blinds, just to feel a tad safer – and before she knew it – inexplicably found her middle finger flipping the old magic bean like it was the “fire” button on Galaga in 1983.

Suddenly she had finished this book faster than the gratuitous sex she suffices her husband with once a week, and was loaning the firmly-creased pages to her closest “BFF” (women like this nonsensical fucking acronym).

From there it would be passed around like Taylor Swift – and before you know it – every thirty to fifty year old housewife in America was wishing this thing was waterproof so they didn’t have to be so goddamned careful riding the shower head during their suddenly increased bath time.

Kindle sales would skyrocket, 9-year old vibrators were dug out of bedside tables for a good cleaning, while word spread as quickly and willingly as legs now did when the words “Christian Grey” were mentioned.

Opinions and notes were shared on Facebook (though sadly no pictures), and soccer-moms were fantasizing – AND masturbating – at rates that rivaled those glorious Phoebe Cates, Fast Times years of my youth.

By halfway through book-2, a new phenomenon began, and this one would benefit us all…

LTAS3These women – who had previously grown to treat their precious V-spot as the reluctant reward for an occasional backrub, or unrequested clean house – were now mounting significant others like they were made of fucking chocolate.

I’ve heard tell, not only of wife-initiated sex, but also couch-sex, car-sex, middle-of-the-night-sex and even – brace yourselves – the return of THE BLOWJOB!

Women were once again sexual and all the fuss was due to this “Grey” fella, and his apparent penchant for ball-gagging a hesitantly submissive coworker in some special room, spanking her peachy ass, and fucking the total bejesus out of her every 12-15 pages… all meticulously detailed in narration.

Hell, I’ve got a boner just typing this shit!

That’s right, women are reading… SMUT – the same filthy, bondage-laden, fantasy-driven SMUT that we men have spent years holed up in bathrooms, basements and confessionals (don’t judge me) to pound ourselves into submission with, because women themselves drove us there.

Sex shops are thriving, wives and mothers are exploring their kinks – along with themselves – and husbands (and likely lovers) are reaping the benefits.

It’s really an unfair game…

Men have been horning ourselves up for years to the beauty of porn, only to be continually rejected when trying to poke you awake at midnight, then forced to resort to Jergens, a toilet, and a tube sock to rid our pathetic selves of “grape nuts”… and YES – they are real!

It has all changed and another sexual revolution is upon us!  You can sit that once-bearded clam on my willing face and call me fucking elated!

With multiple books in the series, and a movie just around the corner, multiple “OH’S” are forecasted, along with a baby boom that could surpass the 9-months following every NFL and NBA draft.

Women are in charge of this world and don’t you kid yourself.  They’re in charge of our households, our checkbooks, the pussy… and now – even the porn.

LTAS4And now that they’ve gotten those last two in sync; finally realizing just what they’ve been missing out on, you can paint me Fifty Shades of fucking thrilled!

Whether their own personal visualization of “Christian Grey” is Channing Tatum, one of The Two Ryan’s, or even that “King of Douche” himself, Brett Michaels – as long as a strap-on doesn’t come into play, I’m the one doing the spanking, and it’s my 5½-inches of pure manliness on the tasty end of their goodness – I  couldn’t give 2-shits.

I’m only upset that I didn’t foresee this closeted audience, or I would’ve written a series so compelling that your next three children – AND your “B.O.B.” – would bear some version of my name.

There’s a God after all – and HER name is E.L. James… KMFP-out!


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Perversion in The Bible

Straight from the good book; THE HOLY BIBLE.

TJ1These will make you scratch your head and question what the hell was wrong with people and the laws in those times.

These verses are taken from the New International Version (NIV). This particular Bible seems to break down the verbiage more understandable without the “thou, shalt, doeth,” type of crap to deal with.


Genesis 19:4-5

Before they had gone to bed, all the men from every part of the city of Sodom—both young and old—surrounded the house. They called to Lot, “Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us so that we can have sex with them.”

These are ANGELS that the guys are asking to fuck!

Well supposedly, Angles are genderless. So much for the fucking festivities.

But we have a solution to the problem coming up!

 Genesis 19:8

Look, I have two daughters who have never slept with a man. Let me bring them out to you, and you can do what you like with them. But don’t do anything to these men, for they have come under the protection of my roof.

The true meaning of “Pimp Daddy”.

So don’t sleep with these Angels who are my house guests. But, HERE gang bang my kids instead!! Because THAT is justifiable in the eyes of God.

Just give it a minute. Wait till you see what these daughters do.

Genesis 19:30-35

30 Lot and his two daughters left Zoar and settled in the mountains, for he was afraid to stay in Zoar. He and his two daughters lived in a cave. 31 One day the older daughter said to the younger, “Our father is old, and there is no man around here to give us children—as is the custom all over the earth.

32 Let’s get our father to drink wine and then sleep with him and preserve our family line through our father.”

Are you fucking kidding me?

So the Lord rained down burning sulfur on Sodom and Gomorrah leaving you homeless and you can’t take your ass to the nearest town to get your own man? Com’on.

TJ233 That night they got their father to drink wine, and the older daughter went in and slept with him. He was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up.

Great. Now we’re going to Biblically roofie dad and rape him.

No big deal apparently.

34 The next day the older daughter said to the younger, “Last night I slept with my father. Let’s get him to drink wine again tonight, and you go in and sleep with him so we can preserve our family line through our father.”

Well we can’t leave the other daughter out of the fun.

Let’s compete and see who can fuck dad the best!!

Obviously these two daughters didn’t care their dad whored them out to the townsmen earlier.

35 So they got their father to drink wine that night also, and the younger daughter went in and slept with him. Again he was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up.

Mind you, the two daughters each bore a son.

Dueling Banjos played at the kid’s birth to celebrate the family tree with no branches.

Genesis 38:8-10

Then Judah said to Onan, “Sleep with your brother’s wife and fulfill your duty to her as a brother-in-law to raise up offspring for your brother.”

But Onan knew that the child would not be his; so whenever he slept with his brother’s wife, he spilled his semen on the ground to keep from providing offspring for his brother. 10 What he did was wicked in the Lord’s sight; so the Lord put him to death also.

Dad thinks it’s the sons DUTY to bang his dead brother’s wife???

We got daughters thinking it’s acceptable to screw their father, and now this??

So a guilt trip sets in and he dumps the baby batter.

Guess what? God kills his ass anyways on account of dad’s shitty advice.

Exodus 4:24-26

24 At a lodging place on the way, the Lord met Moses and was about to kill him.

TJ3a25 But Zipporah took a flint knife, cut off her son’s foreskin and touched Moses’ feet with it. “Surely you are a bridegroom of blood to me,” she said. 26 So the Lord let him alone.

Did Moses’s wife really just bargain basement barter part of her kid’s dick in trade for her husband’s life?

And to do the cut with a fucking knife constructed from a rock?? OUCH!!

I’m puzzled what the hell foreskin is a good trade for anyway unless you’re Buffalo Bill thinking outside of the box for a different style suit.  

Leviticus 18:19

— I guess God figured giving Moses the Ten Commandments to deal with wasn’t going to be enough for him to do, because after to that the poor guy had to pass out a “Who NOT To Fuck” list to everyone.

This is the best one. —

19 “Do not approach a woman to have sexual relations during the uncleanness of her monthly period.”

So much for earning your red wings boys.

Dirty snatch is a no-go for fucking according to God.                              

Deuteronomy 22:20-21 and 28-29

20 If, however, the charge is true and no proof of the young woman’s virginity can be found, 21 she shall be brought to the door of her father’s house and there the men of her town shall stone her to death. She has done an outrageous thing in Israel by being promiscuous while still in her father’s house. You must purge the evil from among you.

Oh… Ok.

So a dad can give up his virgin daughters with no problem for the guys in town to all fuck, (as previously in Genesis 19:8)

But then when they’ve had their way with the gals, the bitches end up with a future death sentence cuz they’re no good for marriage now.

Way to go dad. Nice call.

28 If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her and they are discovered, 29 he shall pay her father fifty shekels of silver. He must marry the young woman, for he has violated her. He can never divorce her as long as he lives.

All I have to say is that’s just fucked up!!

These coming up are some obscure miscellaneous sex related laws all within the one book of the Bible:

TJ4Deuteronomy 23:1

“No one who has been emasculated by crushing or cutting may enter the assembly of the Lord.”

In other woooords….if someone pulled a Lorena Bobbitt maneuver on ya; your ass can’t go to church. Weird.

What’s even more disturbing is trying to figure out how one’s nutsack would get crushed.

Deuteronomy 23:17

17 No Israelite man or woman is to become a shrine prostitute. 18 You must not bring the earnings of a female prostitute or of a male prostituteinto the house of the Lord your God to pay any vow, because the Lord your God detests them both.

To me this sound like God isn’t accepting any hooker’s jewelry in the offering plate if she/he was being used in a sexual religious ritual.

Looks like there will be no 10% tithing that day.

Deuteronomy 25:5

If brothers are living together and one of them dies without a son, his widow must not marry outside the family. Her husband’s brother shall take her and marry her and fulfill the duty of a brother-in-law to her. The first son she bears shall carry on the name of the dead brother so that his name will not be blotted out from Israel.

Hold the fucking phone. Remember God’s NO-NO list of Unlawful Sexual Relations that he gave Moses?

Well this next one is of them as to why Onan was killed in Genesis 38 as mentioned above.

Leviticus 18:16

16 “Do not have sexual relations with your brother’s wife; that would dishonor your brother.”

Not to mention where God talks about punishment for sins we have this:

Leviticus 20:21

21 “If a man marries his brother’s wife, it is an act of impurity; he has dishonored his brother. They will be childless.”

Screwing your brother’s wife, even if he dies, was initially on the DO NOT DO list.

Then if you marry her, she ends up with an out-of-order womb.                          

Oh wait. Forget it. – New rules!

Apparently the Hebrews can’t make up their fucking minds of what to do with people here regarding how they interpret what God is telling them to write in these laws.

TJ5aOr maybe God is just indecisive. Who knows.

Deuteronomy 25:11-12

11 If two men are fighting and the wife of one of them comes to rescue her husband from his assailant, and she reaches out and seizes him by his private parts, 12 you shall cut off her hand. Show her no pity.

Why is she yanking him away by his junk in the first place?

This may answer my question though from back from in Deuteronomy 23:1 about the nutsack crushing.

It’s all coming together now.   

1 Samuel 18:25-27

25 Saul replied, “Say to David, ‘The king wants no other price for the bride than a hundred Philistine foreskins, to take revenge on his enemies.’” Saul’s plan was to have David fall by the hands of the Philistines.

26 When the attendants told David these things, he was pleased to become the king’s son-in-law. So before the allotted time elapsed, 27 David took his men with him and went out and killed two hundred Philistines and brought back their foreskins. They counted out the full number to the king so that David might become the king’s son-in-law. Then Saul gave him his daughter Michal in marriage.

So foreskins in exchange for love?

25 chickens, 12 sheep, 9 cows, and a hog weren’t a valuable enough swap for his daughter?

Foreskins seemed to be a hot commodity back then too. (refer back to Exodus verse)

What’s up with that?                                               

Ezekiel 23:19-20

19 Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. 20 There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.

Back in the good ol’ days…. *sigh*… cock just hasn’t been the same since…

Matthew 5:27-30

TJ627 You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery. 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

29 If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

If you’re a married guy who’s tempted to jerk off to porn, you must remove your eyeball and chop your hand off, or face the wrath of fire and brimstone.

Dang. That’s harsh.


Well that’s enough. There’s so much more.

You get the point of how The Bible is irrational when it comes to sex.

I dare you to show this to your personal Clergy and see what they have to say about all of it.


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Valentine’s Day is Over-Rated

Tradition, schmadition.

TJ1All this fluff is catered to the female. We all know this.

The question is: What seems to be the problem with you guys that you don’t put an effort forth to make her feel all warm and fuzzy inside any other time?

“But why did you serve me divorce papers honey? Don’t you at least remember the nice things I did for you on Valentine’s Day??? I just don’t understand!!!”

Yes my loves. The acts partaken in are all nice gestures and appreciation that you do. They don’t go unnoticed or unrecognized.

But in all reality, this day is about as ridiculous as Christmas as far as commercialization. It’s nothing but marketing bullshit.


Here’s a rundown of your so-called ROMANCE for the duration of the day and evening.


CUPID – Who in their right mind wants to be bulls-eye harpooned in the booty by a PSE Dominator Max archery bow and end up in the ER, just to get you to pay attention to someone and make your heart flutter?

More like my butt cheek throbbing in pain now, giving me a gangsta-lean while I limp!

A gaping hole in your ass that’s all bandaged up like a victimized mummy is not attractive.


SAPPY CARDS – You know damn well that you wouldn’t say that Hallmark shit any other day. I bet you need a dictionary AAAAND a thesaurus to even know what half the mushy words in the text mean.

Plus, we ladies know you didn’t even read it. You just grabbed the one with the swirliest script on it and signed your name like chicken scratch inside.


CANDY HEARTS – “You’re Kind”, “Hug Me”, “Be Mine”, “My Cutie”.

TJ2Ugh…  Gag me with a spoon already. We know what you really want to say, and it’s not to be gagged with that spoon either!

We’re not 12 years old anymore. It’s ok to say you really want a fat hard cock slammed down your throat so far that you gurgle on your own saliva.

(I honestly don’t know how all that would fit on one candy heart though.)


FLOWERS – $15.99 on the 13th or 15th, but $50 for a dozen on the 14th.

For that price it better come with complimentary winged booties and a Greek God cap like the FTD guy to serenade her with.

Stick one of those roses in your mouth and do a Spanish tango while you’re at it.


STUFFED ANIMALS – Hooooow old are we??? Does Boo-Boo Bear reeeeally make you sleep better at night when your guy is not there to hold you?

Maybe it’s the floppy ears on the little toy doggie reminding you of your man’s big ol’ Dumbo ears that you tug on when he’s caressing your crotch.

Yeah…sure… that’s it.


JEWELRY – Let me guess. You went to the MALL of all places and got her some 350% marked up recycled gold.

You’d get a better deal from the hustler in the hood with the gold chains and bracelets out of the trunk of his 64’ Impala, rollin’ on 30-inch dubs.


CANDLELIGHT – So you dim the lights and throw some candles on the table.

All’s this means is you won’t need as much of your normal government subsidy to help you out this month since you saved on the electric bill.


TJ3A BOTTLE OF FINE WINE – This does NOT mean go grab some Riunite, or Franzia boxed wine served in a Dixie cup.

Class that shit up. Go get yo’self some Boones Farm Strawberry Hill with Red Solo cups.


DINNER – We eat everyday anyways. What’s the difference due to the date?

Putting the pop-top can of Chef Boyardee ravioli on the fine China instead of the normal paper plate doesn’t make it gourmet cuisine for this “special” day.


WE’RE FINALLY GONNA HAVE SEX!!! – What the hell are you people doing the other 364-days of the year that you’re waiting for this day to arrive?

This is why your vagina has cobwebs on it like a haunted house attic, and your man has constant blue balls that could be mistaken for a bushel of fresh harvest blueberries.


LINGERIE – Why are you not dressing sexy any other fucking day to begin with? What’s wrong with you women? This is part of why the other 364-days are so lame for you two.

Walmart has schnazy enough looking goodies where you don’t have to pay overrated Victoria Secret prices. Get with the program.


CHOCOLATES, STRAWBERRIES, AND WHIP CREAM – Here we go with a reenactment of 9 ½ weeks. Have fun rolling around in that crap all stuck to your nut-sack and up in your vag.

Besides, why are you guys insistent upon making your woman fat, diabetic, and full of cavities? She’ll be much prettier with a full set of teeth. This is probably why she’s not wearing the lingerie any other time of the year since you keep giving her sweets and plumping her up.


MOOD MUSIC – First, your guy creeps up under the bedroom window with a boom box in the air thinking he’s John Cusack and blasts “In Your Eyes” for the whole neighborhood to hear.

TJ4Then you sing Barry White and Marvin Gaye to each other the rest of the night like a drunken fest at karaoke. And you think it sounds good!


PORN – So you guys think you’re slick and use today as an excuse to introduce your fetishes because it’s how you can “express your love”. You’re killin’ me Smalls.

If you can’t bring that shit on the rest of the year to enjoy, you may want to find a NEW Valentine for next year.


HEART-STRING MOVIES – If you wouldn’t willingly rent Casablanca, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, or Shakespeare in Love any other time, you’re not going to enjoy them tonight any differently.

Put the damn porn back on already.



You really want to tickle her fancy? Get her a dildo for Valentine’s Day.

Literally, it WILL tickle her…


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Attraction to Stepsiblings…

I met someone the other day that approached me in a way I found quite disturbing as a pick-up method for an introductory first conversation.

They told me they wanted me to play the naughty stepsister, and… you can fill in the blanks.

I expressed to him that is not my sexual forte. Not interested.

AT1I was then accused of being boring for denying his roll-play offer.

Well if not reenacting a cliché trailer park scene brought to you from an unknown, named Arkansas town near you means I’m boring; then I guess that’s what I am.

We briefly debated as to whether the scenario constitutes as incest or not.

Let’s evaluate this…

Incest is defined as such:

1. sexual intercourse between closely related persons.

2. the crime of sexual intercourse, cohabitation, or marriage between persons within the degrees of consanguinity or affinity wherein marriage is legally forbidden.

(, “incest,” in Unabridged. Source location: Random House, Inc.

Notice there are two significant words in the second part of the definition.

First, there is “Consanguinity” meaning a close relationship or connection by descent from a common ancestor. Otherwise it is a blood lineage relation.

Second, “Affinity” is still an attraction or connection, but opposite in the way of it being with someone other than those of blood relation.

By definition, that makes sexual activity between stepsiblings described as incest, minus the marriage part which is an “or” factor anyway.

Knowing of this being an illegal and morally wrong situation at hand, why do some have this sexual fantasy of being with a stepsibling?

Is it wrong to express this desire? Is it sick and twisted since your families have joined as one to unite?

AT2It would kind of make the holidays awkward to me.

Stories of this desire are looked at by many as being HOT.

Turn these family members into a situation of a stepfather and stepdaughter, and now there’s an atrocity of damnation, even though there is still no blood relation.

So what’s the difference in the moral value between the two men if it be the father or the son performing the sex act on the young female?

Is the compulsion just because it’s taboo?

Biologically, it’s a normal reaction to be aroused by someone attractive.

However, it is not culturally acceptable to follow through and interact sexually on that attraction with an added non-blood family member.

We can appreciate the beauty of someone in our life without acting on a hormonal desire that is lust based.

So of all the people in the world, why them? Why the step-sibling?

Now I’m no licensed clinical psychologist, but in my studies many years ago, my emphasis just so happened to be in Forensic Psychology with a Criminal Justice degree program to know enough of how the mind works to provide my own decent theoretical analysis of this situation.

My theory of this conception is it due to the newness of trying to seek approval of the added family member, and a sexual bond is what is resorted to for a connection.

This could be almost as a psychological dominance over the other person.

Another part to my behavioral theory is that the teens are learning to cope with the divorce so they latch on to someone their age to compensate for the absented love of the parent no longer in the household.

That person just so happens to be another teen experiencing the exact same circumstance obviously. Being under the same roof is convenient and comforting in the same. They’re on the same brain wavelength with each other as to what they’re feeling.

AT3Let’s add as a teen first learning about sexuality, these now-siblings may be growing to be the closest thing to one another to try and grasp an understanding of what their bodies are hormonally going through.

They develop a trust between each other to learn about sex, and feel it is harmless since they aren’t blood related.

Two possibilities as a result:

This fantasy carries over as an adult emotionally from not being able to fulfill that curiosity with a stepsibling as a youth, and they need a way to close the door on that part of their life.

So there is a craving to complete the sexual act with someone who reminds them of the stepsibling.

Another possibility is if there was a sexual relationship experienced with the stepsibling that got them through the emotional trauma as teens from the changing family environment; they relate that memory of the stepsibling to new potential sex partners they meet as an adult.

This is the way they psychologically associate bonding with the opposite sex since it was solace and soothing during a confusing time in their earlier life.

So it could be looked at as their way of gaining closeness to another of the opposite sex like they did with that stepsibling; and as an adult subconsciously want to act out the physical part in a pretend setting to fulfill the overall pleasant emotions felt together when younger.

It’s fascinating how the mind works when responding to emotions like this.

In psychology, memory association is the connections between conceptual entities or mental states that results from the similarity between those states or their proximity in space or time.

In this case it is interlinking memories of previous experiences when most content to fulfill how to seek current and future happiness.

Then the psychological process continues over and over again with new memories of happiness, but then combining the old with the new.

I think those individuals who have dealt with situations like this during their sexual development with a stepsibling will as an adult always have an underlying way of wanting to connect with a person of the opposite sex who reminds them of the other due to that attachment as a child.

After all, they probably got each other through it all back then.

AT4Does it make it right to keep having sexual thoughts about a non-blood related family member?

Well who are we to really decide how others deal with what makes them feel loved?

I say just let them be. But sorry, I’m not the one you’re going to live out that fantasy with.  I’m sure there are those out there who are willing though.

Maybe another person with the same emotional trauma would suit them best.

They could be their own therapy! A match made in heaven.


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Dude, You Have to EARN that

Dude, You Have to Earn that – by Anonymous

Just because you are married or in a solid long term relationship doesn’t mean you should just expect to get the extra frills that thrill you automatically.

If you kill the mood at 10-a.m., don’t expect special favors at bedtime.

Let me give you a few pointers.

*Don’t call your wife/husband – or partner – or significant other inappropriate names.

Not sure what is inappropriate?  If you had been born in the 50’s and your mother would’ve washed your mouth out with soap, don’t say it.

EI1In doubt? Don’t say it.

If it is about their intelligence or what you believe their lack of it – don’t say it.  From stupid to @)(#*&#@!$%!@#)(*& – just don’t.

*Don’t say things that you do not really mean that you can’t take back.

Need an example?  Don’t tell your wife/husband – or partner – or significant other that you wish they were dead.

Don’t say you hope they crash and don’t come home.

*If the word you are about to use starts with HAT and ends in E – don’t say it.

*And for goodness sake, if you can’t figure these things out – learn how to say you are sorry.

It doesn’t take what you said away, but a good, true “I’m sorry” will go a long way into cementing the fact that you know you are a bonehead and you didn’t really mean it.

Once you have had to humble yourself to say “I’m sorry”; that might just be the right deterrent to get you on the road to staying off the bonehead list in the future.

But you better recognize that many of those things, once you put them out there, may get pushed back in the mind, but they do not go away.  Prevention is key.

And if you do these things, don’t expect what you don’t deserve.

Love and passion grow, they can also diminish.  Both options are in our control.

A long passionate kiss – above or below – saying what you want to hear at just the right moment, dude, you have to earn that.

(EXPLICIT!) How Much for that Kitty in the Window?

So you’re out window-shopping for tail.

You find a cute kitty cat – think she’s a ho – but you’ll still fuck her.

TJ1She’s sexually active, comfortable with her own sexuality, and knows what turns her on; but unless all this is happening with you, she’s a slut.

Well who is anyone to say how they choose to enjoy their body? Do we judge you for jerking off to porn of oiled up midgets screwing on a pogo stick while bouncing on a trampoline?


As long as there are no relations with any blood relatives, children, or farm animals, it’s all groovy cool.

It doesn’t make a female any less of a lady because she’s in tune with her body and has raging hormones like you do.

A dude can go bang whomever, whenever? But when a chick does it she’s in the wrong?


She doesn’t need anyone’s permission to do a fly-by or fill her landing pattern up with cock.

While we’re talking about a woman doing as she pleases with her body; let’s talk about money for sex a minute here.

So males will go to a club and pick up a random, not knowing her sexual past; to include a medical history. NO CLUE what they are about to get themselves into, yet they’re cool with that.

But hold the phone! You find out a female has partaken in a sexual act in the past for an exchange of monetary value, and suddenly you wouldn’t pork this same gal?

I’m sorry, but a past dicking is a dicking whether ya’ like the circumstances or not.

You both are fucking to fuck. Only in the former situation, she probably just made her car note, and the money spent on her came out of the percentage of the pie chart the guy budgeted for entertainment purposes anyway.

What’s that, sir? You don’t haaaave to pay for sex you say???

Au contraire mon frère.

Remember that girl in the nightclub?

How many tasty alcoholic frou-frou drinks or lines of cocaine did you buy her before you were able to convince her altered state of mind it was a good idea to allow you to bend that phat ass over in the beer cooler?

Aaaaah. See? BUSTED!

TJ2Now how about those ladies you actually took on real dates?

Well we all know a man doesn’t pursue a woman he’s not sexually attracted to. That’s a given.

So let’s tally up the cost of those DRINKS AGAIN, dinners, dancing, movies, Cirque du Soleil show, county fair, gambling at the casino, rock concert, go-kart track, raccoon hunting trips (gotta buy ammo and supplies for the camp site), or whatever absurd activity that’s her poison; all in hopes that you will eventually…. WHAT?

Dat’s right homie — IN HOPES YOU GET LAID.

Well guess what? Ya’ just PAID FOR SEX in a sense when it’s all said and done babe.

Awe, and that shit ain’t even guaranteed fancy pants, but you foot the bill for some time with her anyway because you just never know.

Now, I ask you to marinate on this for a bit:

If you do get some nookie after having spent money on her during the date, does that constitute as a means of exchange in value for the sex; thus placing her in the category of a whore like the gal who received a lump of cash instead to spend how she chooses, and not by how you chose for her when taking her out?

Tricky logic, isn’t it?

HOLD UP. There’s a late night creep or friend with benefits in your life?

Gas in the ride to get to her crib – you paid for it. BAAA HAAA!

You may have even picked up some nasty Chinese take-out or rented a bogus movie on the way over too, trying to make it look good for your courtesy-fucking.

After all, that’s what any decent guy would if you want her to feel some kinda special and keep coming back for more!

It’s always something costing money. You can’t avoid it. Sooner or later the VAJAYJAY is bound to hit your wallet.

Let’s move forward to having found commitment and moving in together; or better yet marrying her.

TJ3Rent or mortgage, utilities, auto payment, feeding her pie hole, etc.

There are some men out there who choose to be the sole bread winner and not want their woman to work. Some even demand that egotistical dominance of earning a higher salary, so more financial responsibility ends up lying on his end nonetheless.

Therefore; the trade is PUNANNY for paying bills and taking care of her. If you’re lucky maybe she at least cooks and cleans too, and continues to fuck you.

Divorce her and now there’s alimony. You just can’t get out of paying even when you don’t technically own that TWINKIE anymore!

Hence the phrase: CHEAPER TO KEEP HER when talk of divorce ever lingers the air.

Right about now you’re thinking to yourself like Dr. Evil with a pinky to your mouth, “Huuum. My overall cost seems to be relevant, if not cheaper, for a lady of the evening taking cash for only a few minutes of our time so I can get laid, doesn’t it?”

Now I know all of this sounds super shitty, and many probably do not like to hear it. But you have to admit, it is a different twist on things.

Every perspective in life can’t be all rainbows and sunshine with blooming daisies, and dancing pixies serenading you with sprinkles of glitter. We need diversity to make us think dammit!

By now you may be wondering, “Is she advocating the professional fuckery industry?”

Well I know I wouldn’t judge a woman if she had made a decision to accept a trade for sex. Let’s just say it doesn’t affect me, nor is it my business what others choose to do with their sex life.

TJ4As long as they make the effort to keep their body’s healthy, I don’t care. Because I mean after all, I may end up fucking one of these same guys one day and am not trying to catch a case of the cooties.

If you’re gonna live that open of a lifestyle, WRAP THAT WIENER UP LIKE A PIG IN A BLANKET POR FAVOR. We can’t have your frankfurter looking like Frankenstein or contracting sex pests.

Aside the situation of whether it is from picking up in a bar, to a date, to marriage; when that dick crosses the finish line, guys end up forking out cash for sex one way or another.

Well be safe – estimate your pussy expenditures accurately – and happy humping!


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“Oh Oh Oh Oh my God!” (EXPLICIT CONTENT!)

Cougar Tales – “Oh Oh Oh Oh my God”

GL1If I had figured out anything in my couple months of being a Cougar, it’s that guys in their 20’s are selfish.  I mean – let’s face it, all guys are selfish, but not to the extent of the 20-something guy.

These guys want to hear how sexy they are, how huge their dick is, and of course, that they are the biggest you have ever had.  They want you to listen to their idiotic jackass stories and laugh at them like you don’t truly think they are an idiot.

They want to fuck you, bust a nut and move on, so when you come across one that actually gives you the big “O”, yeah you kinda wanna figure out how to keep that one around for more than just one fuck.

Besides meeting this guy on the cheesy website, this tale is a bit different; this one was odd to me from day-1.

He didn’t send me a picture , we text each other for a whole week and not once did he ever make the conversation sexual or imply sex – I wondered if he was gay or if maybe he was just an ugly nerd and the pics on the internet were not really him.

I met him in person at a bar and sure enough, after 10-minutes of conversation, I knew he wasn’t gay and surprisingly he looked better than his pics online.

We sat around drinking some beers and after a few hours we parted ways, not before a long hot steamy sexy kiss in the parking lot and some major ass grabbing on my part.

Surprisingly the next day we met up and went out for a 2nd-date; after 2-hours of this date and staring at his tight ass, I asked him to come back to my house – this again was a first – I had not ventured into inviting any cubs into my house, much less my bed.

As the night came to a close he followed me upstairs to my bedroom.

I wasn’t sure what to expect – this one had been for the most part a gentleman and super sweet since we had met, boy was I in for a shock once the lights went out and our clothes came off.

GL2To call him the “all-nighter” would not be an exaggeration by any means. I have never met anyone with as much stamina as him. Honestly without Viagra, I didn’t know a dick could stay that hard for that long.

This dick was different.  It was not only rock hard and huge as fuck, but what he did with it was amazing.

This wasn’t the normal 20-year old pounding the shit out of me until he blew his wad, this guy had the equipment and knew how to use it.

I maneuvered my way on top of him and once his dick was in me, it was all over from there, and it became like a drug to me.  This thing had hit every sensual nerve in my body and had me addicted to it within 5-minutes.

To say it was huge is an understatement, as I rode him I felt as though it was going to come protruding out of my body through my throat. The tingling sensation that I felt riding this dick was like no other, and then it happened – as his hands were on my ass helping me ride him, I had the most intense feeling go through my body and I had an orgasmic out of body experience.

The big “O”!!!! Finally!!!!! Mr. All-Nighter had a huge dick AND knew how to use it!!!

I was so flustered that I rolled off him and onto the bed to catch my breath and try to get the feeling back in my toes.  I would be lying to say at this point if he got up and left that I would’ve actually cared, because I had gotten mine and I was satisfied.

But oh no, this was not even close to being over – he got on top of me and began to work his magic.

With each pump in and out of me, I could feel an orgasmic sensation, and with each pump I found myself screaming – “Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh God!”

This was not a hurts so good scream, this was just a flat out – this dick is good scream.

This fuck went on for 3-hours, I remember thinking at some point I am going to have to stop and take a shower and go to work, or if this guy was gonna stay hard and keep making me feel this way, maybe I needed to take a sick day.

GL3I also began to wonder if he was ever going to have an orgasm, because at this point I am pretty sure I lost count at like Orgasm #22… and that’s not an exaggeration.

Finally at about hour-4, Mr. All-Nighter had his big “O” and I kind of felt bad thinking that his Big “O” was not nearly as good as what I had been feeling, but nonetheless he was done and I could get some rest before I had to get up in 2-hours.

The morning came and I sent Mr. All-Nighter on his way.  The question now became, “how in the fuck do I get him back for Round 2….?”

How DOES the Cougar make the Cub feel like the King of the Jungle, so she can keep getting that tail …….wink-wink?


Cougar Tales – “Frenemies”

When you step into the world of Cougar hunting and younger guys, you unfortunately step into the world of younger girls – these girls quickly become known as your “Frenemy”.

GL1In Frenemy world it’s like Survivor – you have to Outwit, Outsmart and Outplay your younger counterpart.  Good thing for me, these younger girls are not that smart and very self-centered, which make it easier to win.

And winning – I have to say, is PRICELESS – because when you can steal that young guy away from a 22-year old girl, even if it is for a one-night stand, well there’s just a small gratification that you still have it – even though your 40-year old body isn’t where the 20-year olds body is, hence my tale.

I had started chatting with this buff, young 25-year old via the internet.

When I say buff, I mean bodybuilder buff – this guy went to the gym at least 3-times a day and his diet consisted of chicken breasts, eggs and protein drinks.  He was self-absorbed and cared about nothing but his body, the gym and getting laid – so we had one thing in common.

Throughout the course of our very vague, idiotic texts (did I mention he wasn’t very bright), he proceeded to send me several pictures of his well sculpted body – of which I would immediately forward to my gay bestie so he could enjoy the eye candy as well.

I made arrangements to hook up with “Mr. Buff” – he lived in a great loft in the city – I was quite impressed, his loft had great furniture and was exceptionally clean.

We carried on some idle chitchat and he asked me where I worked. I told him and he asked me if I knew … um let’s call her “Carrie”. I proceeded to say yes that I knew her and that was about the extent of that.

Mr. Buff did not waste any time getting to business – he was a very take charge kind of guy.

He was sitting on the couch in his Adidas workout pants and he commanded that I come over and sit by him.

I moved over to the same couch and sat next to him, and next thing I know he’s grabbing the back of my head and pulling me into him and shoving his tongue down my throat, biting on my neck and biting my lip – intense kissing to say the least.

He pulled my shirt up off over my head and ripped my pants down and that’s when I became his rag doll. Mr. Buff picked me up and put me where ever he wanted, however he wanted.

This is what I like to call “Roid sex” – he had so much testosterone flowing through his body that I became his release outlet.

It started on the kitchen counter – he threw my ass up onto the counter and began to pound the shit out of me. His dick was so hard that I could feel bruises developing internally.

I held onto the cabinets and hoped I wouldn’t get thrusted through the wall as he pounded and pounded me like he was doing his daily cardio workout.

After 15-minutes of countertop sex, Mr. Buff picks me up and tosses me onto his leather ottoman, flips me over and begins to rail the shit out of me from behind.

GL2His hands were massive and grasping my hips tightly as to not thrust me onto the floor on my face.

After 20-minutes of getting railed on the ottoman, Mr. Buff pulls me up to him and from behind he bites my neck, pulls my hair and blows his wad.

Relieved and somewhat exhausted, I turn to look at Mr. Buff and he is dripping sweat off of his Greek God chiseled body.

In his infinite wisdom he says, “You’re a great fuck”. I was speechless and looking for my clothes when he says, “you’re not leaving; I just need some protein so we can go again.”

Oh shit was all I could think. How am I going to get out of this? My vag was hot and on fire from the pounding it just took.

I stepped into the bathroom and that’s when I saw my huge black fat lip from the biting and his teeth marks on my shoulders.

I walked out of the bathroom to find Mr. Buff on the couch eating a chicken breast, buck naked on his leather couch and that’s when I noticed his ginormous dick was rock hard again, you know so hard that the big vein was pulsating at me – I knew I wasn’t leaving without getting railed again.

To lessen the blow I decided to just Porn Star it. I got on my knees and began to suck his dick and stroke it like I was Jenna Jamieson.

After 10-minutes of some of my best dick-sucking, he grabs me and places me on top of his dick.  At this point, I did nothing.

Mr. Buff lifted me up and down with his python arms until after 15-minutes, he blew another wad.

Whew, it was over ….. I grabbed my clothes, headed on my way home and started to wonder how I was going to explain the huge black fat lip I had acquired from his biting.

I went to work the next day where I saw “Carrie”. I casually asked her if she knew Mr. Buff – well of course she did!!!!!

She went on and on to tell me how they had been texting each other, she even went as far to show me all the texts he sent her.

She told me about how, the day before, she had been to his apartment and cleaned it for him.  She then proceeded to tell me that the two of them were just talking, and that they had not done anything yet, but they were going to get together because he really liked her.

Hmmmmmm… did I mention that Mr. Buff had a girlfriend and it wasn’t “Carrie”?

“Carrie” then got a little arrogant with me and basically implied that Mr. Buff would not talk to me and I was not his type.

GL4That’s when I decided to be a super bitch……

I said, “oh really now, is this Mr. Buff?”

I proceeded to show her a picture in my phone that he sent me, and she said, “Yeah that’s him, that’s my man.”

I said, “Are you sure that’s your man?”

She again said, “Yeah that’s him”, to which I replied, “Oh that’s your man….. Well in that case, I fucked your man last night!!”

Oh yes “Carrie”, the tribe has spoken and in this jungle, the Cougar has won the tail….wink wink.

Shut the Hell Up; Feed Him, etc.

SHUT THE HELL UP; FEED HIM, FUCK HIM – The keys to a man’s heart

I have a sneaking suspicion this article may piss some females off, but I hate to break it to ya sista-luvs; some of you need the reality check.

FF1NOTE: This is the order of importance and significance that majority of the guys ruled when I informed them I was writing this article.



He knows you probably watched Oprah or Dr. Phil while he was in route home from work.

He’s now dreading walking in the door because he knows he will have to listen to you go on a tangent about something that infuriated you on the show.

Give the man some damn peace.

Let him take his shit he’s been holding all day because he’s embarrassed to foul up the bathroom at work where rumors will get started about him and make the next company Christmas party; hell for both of you, change his dirty-smelly-sweaty clothes, aaaaaand (sigh) — relax.

Teach the dog to go fetch him some house slippers, or something.

Wait to spout off your bullshit till AFTER DINNER. Let him at least enjoy his meal so he’s not grumpy from acid reflux wanting to barf at your words you’re senselessly spewing off.

Hopefully – by then – you won’t be so upset at the trivial things that got you going in the first place.

So tough love from me, or tough punch in the jaw from your guy cuz you don’t ever shut up. Take your pick.

Remember — If your mouth is swollen, you can’t talk.

I’m not condoning domestic violence by any means here; unless you’re into S&M and you don’t mind it getting out of hand from time to time. Some like and can take the beating during rough sex.

Not my problem. Your whips and chains.

Seriously though, quit talking so much. He doesn’t care half the time. He pretends to care to appease you.

FF3Go vent to your girlfriends.

You’ll get better feedback anyway, as opposed to grunts and meaningless head nodding in agreement; even if you were to say you want the dog to fuck you instead of him.

He’s – not – listeeeeniiiiing…..



On to foooooood!

A sammich. That’s all he really wants is a damn sammich.

It’s not that hard to figure out.

Men want MEAT.

Whether it’s the good hardy juicy meat between your legs, or simply deli meat on pickle loaf; he’s satisfied and all is peachy in Wonderland.

And if you think about giving him microwaves meals or some Ramen noodles, you may as well kiss your ass goodbye.

So STOP (“collaborate and listen” LOL) – Erase the thought from your mind right now. Gone? Ok.

Don’t even go there unless he requests them.  Recipes are free online. Martha Stewart may be a jail bird, but she can teach you how to hook your man up with some decent grub.

Learn to cook already.

Meatloaf is awesome. Every dude loooves him some meatloaf.

FF5Could be simply due to the fact it starts with the word MEAT. Who knows?

It’s easy to make. And you need some mashed taters with it. (I put cream cheese in mine. Delish!)

Meat and potatoes chicas. Don’t forget it!

And you better learn to season, marinate, and grill a steak to perfection too. Ask him how he likes it cooked! ß Baked potato with the steak is a must.

Lasagna is a good one to make too actually. Or stuffed shells. Can’t go wrong with pasta.

See these are fulfilling meals. Fill his belly and he may fill your closet with sexy things to wear for him where you’ll get more orgasms from him being so turned on. Possibly pretty jewelry to flaunt as well. <big cheesy grin>

It’s a win-win really. A no-brainer.

But THE MOST IMPORTANT FOOD of all is…… B-A-C-O-N !!!

It is in a food group of its own ladies. I cannot emphasize enough how critical bacon is to a man.

If you don’t learn to serenade your man with bacon, you’re done for. Cash in your chips. Game over.

It’s more important than sex sometimes. I don’t lie! Do you need survey statistics? Trust me on this one.

Hell, wrap your whole body in bacon and let him eat it off of you. I guarantee you’ll get the best fucking of YOUR LIFE!!!



Let’s continue with this whole fucking matter. Shall we?

Men are programmed to fuck. It’s genetic for them to feel the need to spread their seed.

FF2If you don’t keep your man satisfied; he will fuck someone else.

You better work it like Jessica Rabbit!

If he doesn’t act on the desire, believe me when I say no matter how good of a guy he is; it crosses his mind. If he says it doesn’t, he’s lying to save face with you.

This is why it really doesn’t do any good to go off on him when your waitress’s $5,000-breast implants are hanging in his face while taking your dinner order.

It’s human nature to look. It’s not like he’s got one in his mouth suckling on it as an appetizer.

Don’t take it as disrespectful unless he pops off right in front of you saying, “Dayum… I’d fuck the hell out of that one!”, or starts motor-boating her in the restaurant.

Then you can stab him in the neck with your steak knife right then and there, and people will most likely understand.


And remember my fellow females — A blow job a day keeps the other bitches away!!  (Lovely little motto there, isn’t it?)

— To hell with an apple a day. Forbidden apples got us women in trouble from the get go. —


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collage no names